This adorable looking French bulldog looks like butter would not melt in his mouth.
But – according to the animal shelter seeking a new home for him – that is only because he would probably be too busy chewing on an ankle or some furniture.
The tiny black-and-white pup – currently at the Niagara SPCA shelter in New York state, USA – is described as a “fire-breathing demon” in his adoption pitch.
The shelter – famous for its frank and funny descriptions – bills Ralphie as a “jerk” and a “terror” in his no-holds-barred biography.
The latest post about the pup – dated 24th January – tells of a field trip they undertook with him to see how he will cope with life outside the shelter.
They said: “Since so many are invested in Ralphie’s success, we thought we’d share some of his training during an outting today.
“In an attempt to make a proper gentleman out of Ralphie, SPCA staffers Liz and Tina picked out an outfit for him for a training fieldtrip to our local Joann Fabrics.
“We guess they don’t value their fingers so much…
“Let’s just say the score was: Ralphie: 1, Liz & Tina: 0.”
They go on to say how he might have offended local football fans by squatting on a Buffalo Bills jersey and refusing to budge.
The post said: “He did however taunt them by sitting ON the Bills’ jersey. They weren’t sure if this protest was a commentary on yesterday’s game or a small fit over the color they picked for him.
“We are pretty sure though that Ralphie was just not going to be caught dead in clothes and he would wrestle as if it were the championship game if they tried.”
They added: “He was a complete lune in the car, bouncing from front to back so he had to be tied to the headrest. Thankfully, it was a short trip to Joann’s.
“Once he entered the store, he trotted right up to a mirror where he went on, like any true jerk, to admire himself endlessly- really checking from all angles.
“They could almost hear the song ‘I’m too sexy…’ Yes, Ralphie. You’re too sexy for… the yarn section.”
The post also said: “He met a person who was instructed to be careful and go slow. She didn’t. She was pretty excited and probably didn’t realize she was taking her life in her own hands.
“Thankfully, Ralphie was out of his element- really didn’t own anything so he only stood stiff and side eyed her as his handlers slowly ushered him a safe distance away while telling him he was such a good boy.
“He practiced some sits and downs and gave paw with the gentleness of a jackhammer in the crafting and fabric aisles.
“Once he had had enough of all of this obedience mumbo jumbo, he lead the ladies toward the front of the store with a swagger that said next time I come back, I’ll own the place.
“All in all, it was a good trip. No blood was shed. They weren’t told to never come back.
“Ralphie was rewarded with a pup cup on the way back and then fell asleep in the back seat snoring big Frenchie snores.”
The animal shelter had first posted about Ralphie on 18th January, with the Niagara SPCA saying: “We’ve become pros at writing animal adoption posts. With the adorableness we encounter daily, we have tons of material.
“Sometimes we can sugar coat the less than desirable traits like- prefers to be an only child. This one stumps us though. We don’t actually have too many nice things to say so we’re just going to come out with it.
“Meet Ralphie. At first glance, he’s an adorable highly sought after, young dog. People should be banging down our doors for him. We promise you, that won’t be the case. Ralphie is a terror in a somewhat small package. What could go wrong with a 26lb dog, right? We’re sure you’re thinking: my ankles will be just fine. We’d caution- proceed at your own risk.”
The Niagara SPCA also said: “Our best guess is that Ralphie’s cute face got him whatever he wanted and boundaries are something he heard people talk about, but they didn’t apply to him. His first owners took him to board and train, but their relationship was built on the premise that Ralphie was the boss so things ended abruptly.
“He was rehomed. Two weeks into this new home and he was surrendered to us because ‘annoys our older dog’. What they actually meant was: Ralphie is a fire-breathing demon and will eat our dog, but hey, he’s only 26lbs.”
They added: “Lots of people withheld Ralphie’s less than desirable traits, but we’re going to tell you all about it. He’s a whole jerk- not even half. Everything belongs to him. If you dare test his ability to possess THE things, wrath will ensue. If you show a moment of weakness, prepare to be exploited. Sounds fun, huh?
“The ideal home for Ralphie is the Mother of Dragons, or an adult home free of other animals, with an owner who will lead him calmly and sternly- putting up with zero crap. On the bright side, Ralphie’s previous trainer will provide his new adopters with the training tools they believe he needs to be successful in a home.
“Serious inquiries only. No, we will not make exceptions. No takesy backsies (kidding, obviously).
“Give us a call at 716-731-4368 ext 301 if you’re that crazy.”
The Ananova page is created by and dedicated to professional, independent freelance journalists. It is a place for us to showcase our work. When our news is sold to our media partners, we will include the link here.